Episode 86 – Will the surrogate want to keep the baby?

Will the surrogate want to keep the baby? No, a surrogate does not want your baby. In fact, many surrogates fear that the IPs, intended parents, will not take the baby once she gives birth, and that she will be left holding the baby, literally. As a generalization, a surrogate has already completed her family and does not want any more children. However, if she did want more children, surrogates are usually fertile women and will engage the services of her husband, partner, or sperm donor

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to assist her in making her own baby, as opposed to having to jump through all the hoops of surrogacy. Surrogates go through invasive testing, often a month or two of every second day blood tests, and sometimes a cocktail of drugs leading up to an embryo transfer. So if she wanted another baby, say a keeper child for her own family, there are more fun ways to go about it than all of the steps and tests of surrogacy. A surrogate’s goal is to assist in creating a family.

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A surrogate looks forward to seeing you with your baby. Of course, there is still a bond with the child though. If you’re a potential surrogate listening and are wondering how other surrogates have gone handing over the baby, I think it’s something like a calling that we just know it’s something we can do. The baby is of course moving and kicking inside us during pregnancy, but I think we see ourselves as more of an auntie figure or an extreme babysitter. Our vision is not of the baby in our arms being in a nursery in our house.

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Our vision is of the baby in the parents arms in their house. That’s often the vision we’re working towards and dreaming of that handover moment. That is the payment moment for the surrogate and it’s even better if you have a birth photographer to capture that moment. Of course there are hormonal fluctuations post-birth as our body is looking for the baby that it birthed. Our bodies don’t get the memo that the baby is safe, nurtured and loved in the IP’s arms and home. So that can be challenging.

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There may be tears, fluctuating moods and adjustments for the surrogate, as those post-birth hormones can affect us all differently. I was hit very hard with postnatal depression after birthing my surrogate. If you’re interested in hearing more about that, you can find it on my blog, Surrogacy Safari. Just because a surrogate cries in the day’s post-birth, it does not mean that she wants the baby. I’m sure she doesn’t.

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She might be tired, grieving the end of the project, expressing milk so her hormones are fluctuating, and she might need a cuddle with Surrogate Bub and then be able to hand the baby back to the parents when there is a poo explosion. So, do surrogates want to keep the baby? No. I hope that puts minds at ease of potential surrogates and IPs. If you’re looking to hear from other surrogates, come to one of our Wednesday night webinars. There’s SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service, where we connect you with a mentor,

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because it’s really important to talk to others and hear their stories before embarking on this journey of surrogacy. If you are finding these discussions useful, I would love it if you could leave a review wherever you listen to this show and you can find more information at surrogacyaustralia.org If you’re looking for more guidance on how to navigate surrogacy in Australia, please check out SASS so you can have me as your navigation tool on this journey, your Siri for surrogacy. Until next time, welcome to the village.