Episode 81 – Were you at the birth?

Were you at the birth? This is a really common question that intended parents, we abbreviate that to IPs, have at the beginning of their journey. Yes is the answer. Let me unpack that for you. One mum through surrogacy shared her own thoughts on this question. Yes we were at the birth. Our surrogate was excited to have us at the birth of our gorgeous boy. We were conscious of stepping out of the room for uncomfortable procedures like breaking of her waters to give her the mental space to deal with it and her husband gave her the support she needed.

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She thanked us for this several times. By the time you get to the birth, your surrogate will usually be happy and comfortable for you to be an active part of her support during labor. All hospitals are different, and it’s really important to know the policies and procedures for surrogacy. Communication with post-birth staff is just as important as the staff in the lead up to your birth to ensure everyone in your team is supported by the hospital. It is important to understand that birthing conditions can change at any minute, and you need to mentally prepare for that.

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For example, a surrogate may have to have an emergency cesarean and only one person can be in the theater with her. It may be you or her partner. This is where your team needs to be clear about expectations. The birth is by far the most wonderful experience and we were blessed to see our little boy come Earth side and bond with us straight away. Our son has a lovely bond with our surrogate and egg donor. My thanks to this mom who shared her thoughts and lived experience. Now, I’m a maths teacher as my other part-time job.

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And for the four years I was in the surrogate only Facebook group, I collected data on lots of different things and birthing data was one of them. I had 154 surrogates answer the birth questions and only 21, which is 14% were not present at the birth. Now, why was that? I hear you ask. So of those 21, twice, it was due to a quick birth and the IPs didn’t make it. Three were due to COVID restrictions. 12 were due to caesarians.

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and limited numbers were allowed into the theater, but the IPs were obviously in the hospital and met their baby once the surrogate was out of recovery and only four times due to surrogate choice. But again, the IPs were in the hospital, but not present during the moment of birth. I hope that puts some fears at ease for both IPs and surrogates. Every team is different.

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and you will need to have many ongoing conversations about what everyone is comfortable with. If you’re looking to see some gorgeous birth videos, you can find them in two places. On Instagram, our account, Surrogacy Australia, you can find them in the link section. And on our Facebook page, search for birth and they’ll pop up. But if you’re looking for easy access, join our SaaS portal for only $100.

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and then you’ll get access to surrogacy resources grouped into the different stages of a surrogacy journey. So it’s not so overwhelming at all the things that you need to read and consider and research at all those different stages. If you are enjoying this podcast, I kindly ask that you share it with others or leave a rating or a review wherever you listen to the show. If you’re looking for more support from me, one-on-one, register for SASS at surrogacyaustralia.org and think of me as your Siri for surrogacy.

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or as somebody else called it recently, perhaps your chat GPT. Until next time, welcome to the village.